Lately I have been seeking out authentic relationships and learned that really I am seeking validation for the person to which God created me to be.
- For instance, I LOVE Bollywood movies, more specifically anything with Shahrukh Khan. I love the way these films totally capture your interest and stir something that is real, a connection to which American films do not even attempt to do. You can fall into a film and remember everything about that film, they show emotion that is rare in Hollywood and have an authentic flare that is never seen in the US. They are colorful and musical and most of all the embrace love and feeling. Everything to which I also embrace, I am a true romantic and these films tell me it is OK to be so.
- Also, I am fascinated with other cultures, fascinated to the point where I could spend all day learning about them and still not want to sleep just so I could read something else. I love seeing how different religions and cultures look at Christ, how they respect and know who he is without knowing Him.
- I love writing and reading on interesting arguments and topics that strike a chord and at time anger and bring a light and fire into someones brain. I love intellectual conversation, even if I am not the one making the intelligent pionts. More often than not I am listening and hoping I don’t sound foolish.
In these qualities I am a lone thinker in my family, no one understands my love for Bollywood, or shares in my passion for ShahRukh Khan. They think it is silly and weird that I spend three hours listening and watching singing and dancing and love stories. I can’t discuss other cultures with those around me, no one shares the passion or knowledge so it is awkward. Intellectual discussion is not found but rather, removed from conversation and it turns to awkward silences and “how’s school, are you done yet?”
I am saying all this to mention that I have been looking in the wrong places, I have been looking for my desires and passions to be validated and accepted, embraced and challenged, interested in and loved as I love them.
In a conversation with my brother (who is always my voice of reason) he said “for someone to be interested in what you are saying you must first be someone who knows what you are talking about.” meaning that I have to be someone validated to be someone others come to for validation. If you still did not catch that, in it’s simplest form, I must be a educated, degreed and have made something of myself for others to come to for information. Well, I agree and disagree (mainly because I know it is true and yet I want to be looked at for more than I am right now).
I know that a degree is important and trust me I am working my tail off to get it. My brother also said that I have to play to game with my professors, when the passion inside me wants to argue my way to bank I have the hardest time playing the game all in the name of validation right. So in my quest to validation, where am I?
Throughout this week I will be talking about my dreams, not the ones when I am sleeping the ones the haunt me when I’m driving, or in class, or listening to Shahrukh, the real ones that one day will come true!