This week I have had the opportunity to keep the house spotless. Bathrooms, kitchen, even new sheets and the vacuum has been run (I love vacuum tracks). But there has been an inner lurking of another kind. I made a decision to allow the boys daddy to come over, we had a very nice time; the boys enjoyed time with him after our dinner together at Braums and we enjoyed the company of him in our house for the first time. I had been reluctant to allow him over for fear that the situation would go to far or a can of worms would be opened. Anyway, I had felt that the house had a pure and innocent feel to it. A unused and clean feeling. Like a virgin house. That feeling has passed and now I am left feeling that even though everyone seemed to have a great time and had a better experience then when he would come to my mothers to see the boys, I am still feeling that uneasy feeling. Did I make a mistake or am I just being weird? I am unsure. Maybe the true feeling is that I still do not trust myself around him. That I could slip into old habits of playing house without the true home being bought. I want the boys to be able to see their father and he has been reluctant to come to my mothers. I feel stuck and icky at the same time. I hate this situation. To all those young girls that may stumble upon this, know that playing house is fun for a while until the bank re posses their playhouse and reminds you that you where never tenants in the first place, remember that playing house will never be a home. Marriage will come, wait for it!
Prayers are needed, although I am not sure what for; prayers are needed!
COMMENTS ARE TOO!