This morning while making out the job bag for the boys (you know Saturday chores, well we’re trying it)Chores I went to my phone to get a verse that was in my head to talk to them with in parallel to chores and attitude; this is what I found.

23 Whatever you are doing,t work at it with enthusiasm,t as to the Lord and not for people. Col. 3

I hope this verse will speak to them, because, it ended up speaking right through me.

This is me lately:

  • broke
  • worried about every single half cent
  • working half a**ed to please people, PEOPLE.
  • trying to get through school so my “investors” are happy
  • acting like a good mom so no one sees the fear, guilt, emptiness and gut wrenching hope that we will one day be more than mediocre
  • making every decision based on the idea that it will be the best for “us” not for Him.
  • I have lost sight of the goal
  • I have lost sight of my purpose, my vision, my Chazown
  • I forgot who signed my story

I remember a time in my life where I lived by this verse. To be honest my life was the opposite of the above list. I had money always, never worried about meals, needs, outcomes, because I had a peace that surpassed all that. That does not mean that my life was without pain or hurt or fear but I had an understanding that things were taken care of and my focus was on Him. God was the air in my lungs and the life I lived for.

Just this morning a caught a glimpse of the life I have had and honestly missed, willing to work for Him, giving up control so he can take command.


One thought on “Speakeasy

  1. Hang in there! This too shall pass. You are a wonderful mother and a wonderful person. Sometimes it takes the deepest struggles to help us find our ‘inner strength’ again. The greatest good can come from the most miserable ‘bad.’ Think Gethsemane, if you know what I mean. You will make it. You are unconditionally loved. He knows your struggle better than anyone. You are never alone.
    And BTW that ‘chore bag’ thing is brilliant! I’m gonna try it…if I can get organized enough… 🙂

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