desires of the heart

3729612161160408WnDeO902ci am losing faith in this ideal. i desire a husband who loves me more than the earth and fucks like Christian Grey, who lets me stay home with the kids and bake cookies. i  want my own home that i get to decorate with love and fill with laughter and friends. i want a job that i can be a rockstar at, that allows me to save up and pay off my stupid student loans so i am able to stay at home. i want more babies. i want date nights and evenings with intelligent conversation, great sex and cuddles. i want a man that is strong enough to lead my boys and love them like his own. To take them camping and fishing and shopping and to bookstores and dinners and teach them how to talk to girls. i want the dream. i don’t want to settle for shit.

when does this happen, how long does it take. how much faith do i have to show? how can i continue to hurt and pray and wait and plead – for nothing. where are you God?

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