i want him to …

1.  be taller than me

2.  make a good living (i dont need princess status, just not pauper either)

3.  bring home surprises – like diet coke from my favorite places, dessert, tickets to my favorite play, dinner (not stds, babies with other girls, bills, work, etc.)

4.  take on trips that he planned with all my favorite amenities and travel needs

5.  let me be the car dj

6.  play nerf gun warriors with me

7.  kill spiders

8.  change the high placed light bulbs

9.  do the dishes after i cook

10.  hang out with my boys and lead them as if they were your own

11.  watch Bollywood movies with me and not get jealous that i swoon over Shahrukh Khan

12.  hang out with me and talk and let me paint your toes (clear of course, well most of the time)

13.  let the pooches sleep with us

14.  be proud of me

15.  believe in me

16.  trust me


the previous one was purposefully left blank  – i will need to add/delete/change/alter this this at anytime.

30 Letters in 30 Days: day eleven

day eleven: a deceased person you wish you could talk to

I had to think about this one… that’s why it is late.

I have not yet lost anyone I am truly close to. (blessed)

I would like to talk to my Grandfather Jack. My mom’s dad. He died whilst I was still cooking. I have heard stories, tales, scandals and talk of how he was and what he did. I know he was a Navy man and met my grandmother at a USO dance in San Francisco… (seriously so romantic) I know he was strict but loving – My mom still calls him daddy. He called her Janet Lee, she looks a lot like him and so does my brother. When he died my grandmother never remarried and to this day she is still wearing her ring – she says she never thought of loving another man, she could not give her heart away because “it will always belong to Jack!”

I wonder what he would think of how my mom ended up, how her life is and what he would tell her now. I wonder what he would think of me and my boys, Chandler is named after him. (Chandler Jackson) I wonder what he would have to tell, what he would be doing and how my grandmothers life would have been different. I would really enjoy getting to know him!

"To my darling with all my heart! Love, Jack"

Jack Williams

30 Letters in 30 Days: day thirteen

day thirteen: someone I wish could forgive me


Ummm about half the odd girls in middle school and high school. – I was kinda a well, snob.


recently, Lauren – if you would forgive me for whatever I did that you are ignoring me! I miss our chats!


30 Letters in 30 Days: day ten

day ten: to some one I don’t talk to as much as I like to

honestly, there are a lot of people I don’t talk to as much as I would like. More than I am comfortable sharing. Sometimes, when I have time to talk I need silence, and when I need to talk they need the silence.

I am working on being a better friend. Seriously.

To all those who I avoid, don’t call, text or write. I miss you and think of you.

we should chat soon!


30 Letters in 30 Days: day eight

day eight: interconnection

I’m not sure I have a favorite internet friend. I have connections, old high school friends I still converse with, old flames I dish with, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. (Twitter and Pinterest being my favs, well Pinterest really!)

I love Twitter, some of those I follow wow me daily. Without playing favorites, I would say that Nivea, Carlos Whittaker, Kayki McSwain, Erin Lee Cortez; these people bring it everyday.

Nivea: She is dedicated to her gift. She sings from her soul, works from heart and is just fun! She seems like the kind of girl you could just be the best of friends with. Silly, real, but the boss of her own destiny. I connect with her as a mom trying to be more for herself and her kiddos. I would love to meet her just to hang out and laugh.

Carlos Whittaker: This guy brings it with every tweet, pic, post, #realtalk convo, and serve up grandiose doses of truth to my timeline daily. I’m not sure if he is a genius or he is just incredibly gifted. He inspires me to a more dedicated parent – to engage in authentic relationships with not only those around me, but with those closest to me. I know with every tweet I’m gonna learn something!

Kayki: I respect this girls’ grind! She works. She works with honor though. When she talks with people, she connects with them; not just to get the story, she creates a friendship and writes truth. I envy her quiet strength and the way she gets her information – straight from the source. She doesn’t bring people through the mud to make herself look good or to get readers. She just gets to know the person and justly shares their story.

Erin – This girl is so close with God that she shines His light like she can’t do anything but! I gain so much from her simple encouragement! Her strength makes me stronger and want to seek out God with a passion. You can tell just from her tweets that she and God are more than friends, they are truly one. I love everything she has to say, she never flounders or skips a beat, she seems to fear nothing and no one and she shares her opinions with grace. (plus she writes and sings)

These people bring me strength and encouragement, although I have never met any of them (it would be so fun!) I think highly of them and how they portray themselves. Thank you to each of you!

Pinterest: Thank you for giving so many ideas! The people I follow on Pinterest though, are pretty much my real friends – so thats awesome! Thanks again for inspiring me to make awesome and creative stuff!


30 Letters in 30 Days: day nine

day nine: someone I wish I could meet

There are many people I would like to meet. There are less I would like to meet and spend time with after meeting them. I think it’s one thing to meet someone and another to meet and want to spend time with them further.

Here’s the List. (in no particular order, other than the order in which I thought of them)

  • David Crowder  – I think he is a lyrical genius. His words and music connect me with God in such a way that I have yet to do with any other artist. He seems like he seriously is a hoot! I mean have you read his personal blog or notes or books or napkin blabble. (I have not found his napkin jargon, but I would love to!) He lives in the house that Dr. Pepper built – HELLO! Awesome! I would love to just chat about life, God, Texas, the Church, books, Light Brite,  anything really!
  • Bill Bryson  – He is a historical wonder. I love his books – I learn so much. Plus he has been everywhere and seen and viewed things I long to see. I want to just talk about the people, the research, the excitement that his books bring. He makes me want to learn. He makes me want to never stop reading.
  • Dwayne Michael Carter Jr.  (aka Lil Wayne) – I think he is misunderstood a lot. He is human in a big business world. I don’t anticipate him being a perfect role model but that not what his job is. He makes great music – smart, intelligent thought for the most part. I mean, yes he says a thousand lewd words and he calls out women. True. He also speaks well, is well read and tries new things – skateboarding for instance, just to do it. He lets nothing get in his way. I find his words real and inspiring.
  • Shahrukh Khan – Besides the fact that this man is absolutely divinely handsome, he is the supreme actor. He can make me cry and blush with his forehead kiss. He does not need to be sexy, he is sexy. He is love, romance, a man. Dear lord, he makes movies what movies are. He also has a strength in his acting, a force and makes his female supporting actress adore and fear him. I want to just hear him speak over a coffee. I would just sit and be in awe of him. His humbleness is striking and I have yet to find a American-mainstream actor that can surpass him.

30 Letters in 30 Days: day seven

day seven: ex-boyfriend

This should be rich….

Dear You-know-who-you-are…

Over the twelve to thirteen years I have known, loved and hated you; I had two boys you just laid there and shoewd up for the presentation, we have fought, I have loved, you have cheated, I have cried, you have left and I chased, I left and you chased, I never came back. I’m not sure what I learned other than never trust a man who can’t pay for dinner, or anything else really. Never sleep with a man who lies to you, for he will cheat on you, hit you, steal from you and leave you.

I learned that the only real thing I got out of us was the boys, they’re the best part of you and me.

I will each day live to teach our boys to love more, give more, stay more and be men of honor. You are forever my biggest mistake and most valuable life lesson. I love you for teaching me this, hate your for teaching me this and will forever be attached to the past with you.

The best we can do now is to love the boys better than we were loved.


30 letters in 30 Days: day six

day six: a stranger


  1. A person whom one does not know or with whom one is not familiar: “she remained a stranger to him”.
  2. A person who does not know, or is not known in, a particular place or community: “I’m a stranger in these parts”.
foreigner – alien – outsider
I am an outsider, inside my own life.
I an outlier.
I know nothing of those around me and they know noting of me.
Its funny, I kinda want to be apart of the group.
Just as much as I don’t.
So dear stranger or strangers,
aliens, outsiders and those whom Im unfamiliar –
I have a super power,
“So Lets Get Together, yeah yeah yeah”
and not be strangers anymore –
Lets be …


3rd person singular present, plural of friend


A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

30 Letters in 30 Days: day two

day two: my crush

Dear Crush Crusherson…


Well this could be awkward considering a crush is defined …

by Google as:


Press or squeeze (someone or something) with force or violence, typically causing serious damage or injury.

by Urban Dictionary as:

a burning desire to be with someone who you find very attractive and extremely special.

A crush can cause serious injury being that is a complete pseudo relationship. One person (me) has feelings or infatuation with the other person (you).

I am crushing on you for various reasons….

You’re smart, have interests other than nekked women and inappropriate conversations, you have ambitions; like art, cars, art, art, fish tanks, building a lifestyle not just an existence, you don’t live paycheck-to-paycheck (I’m not a gold digger, I just appreciate your fiscal appearance), you can carry a conversation, you make jokes at appropriate times, you like good food and wine, classy dinning & eateries, you travel and the most crushiest of all – you make my knees shake with the sound of your voice.

It’s an odd thing, crushing on a person who can not reciprocate the crush. Kinda of like sugar-free chocolate; it looks like chocolate but when you bite into it you are swiftly aware of the fact that is not the real thing and you are left full of empty calories that are going to you the treadmills bitch in the morning.

But non-the-less in the years since meeting you I have been stirred by you. You are wildly attractive and I can’t help playing over in my mind lunch dates and dinner parties, where we laugh and share  titalicious stories while I hang on your every word and you continually rest your hand on the small of my back until the “code word” is spoken and we excuse ourselves to go home and talk and “cuddle.” (this is not all creeperish)

Alas, I will be fine with remaining your friend from afar. No, really its ok. I’m fine. I would much rather be your friend and conversationalist – its safer this way.


(the non-creeper)

30 Letters in 30 Days

day 1 — your best friend
day 2 — your crush
day 3 — your parents
day 4 — your sibling (or closest relative)
day 5 — your dreams
day 6 — a stranger
day 7 — your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
day 8 — your favorite internet friend
day 9 — someone you wish you could meet
day 10 — someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
day 11 — a deceased person you wish you could talk to
day 12 — the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
day 13 — someone you wish could forgive you
day 14 — someone you’ve drifted away from
day 15 — the person you miss the most
day 16 — someone that’s not in your state/country
day 17 — someone from your childhood
day 18 — the person that you wish you could be
day 19 — someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
day 20 — the one that broke your heart the hardest
day 21 — someone you judged by their first impression
day 22 — someone you want to give a second chance to
day 23 — the last person you kissed
day 24 — the person that gave you your favorite memory
day 25 — the person you know that is going through the worst of times
day 26 — the last person you made a pinky promise to
day 27 — the friendliest person you knew for only one day
day 28 — someone that changed your life
day 29 — the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
day 30 — your reflection in the mirror