ME and the things that make me super.

Why I love me:

i love period films like The Duchess, Pride & Prejudice, Becoming Jane, Vanity Fair

i love goofy things such as silly string fights, swimming with my clothes on, baking all day just to take a cake to the neighbors

I live life freely, embracing the small things that embrace me

my boys saved my life

i know that tomorrow is not promised and the gift of each breath is a blessing

i believe in true love

“i believe i have done some things in life too early and others too late”

i would rather spend an afternoon floating in the pool because the water is so clear that you can see for miles, than cleaning

I love curling up with a book, my puppy in a large comfy chair

sometimes there is no redo, it is just ruined

i ache for a husband – but i love that achy feeling because that means i did not settle for less than Gods best

I have the coolest friends

i could out organize Jeff Lewis (Flipping Out, Bravo)

i want to learn (better) french, farsi, hindi and russian

i hold onto memories like some hold onto pennies

“one day” is closer and closer everyday

i dont like fig newtons – they are weird, matter of fact so are raisins

i hate touching meat, but i love eating it

seafood smells gross – i wont eat it. ever.

i will get to the Eiffel tower one day, then i will spend the entire day laying beneath it and absorbing its greatness

I have more passion for life, people and the world around me than I think anyone really cares to see.

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Perspective.

I was reminded last night/today that I have been blessed with wild, unpredictable, free spirited and genuinely kind and loving kids. With that comes unpredictablity, wild and zany times. Tanner is the most caring, supportive, and loyal child in the world. Chandler, whew, is wild, unpredictable, loud, creative and all over the place all the time. 

BUT, I would never, ever change them or change what they do on a daily bases. 

I need to change the way I am parenting. I need to seek opportunity to be better and more aware of what the wild man is doing. 

Thank you God for opening my eyes to their need. Thank you for using this small wonder to create a big shift in my heart. I can do better than this. We as a family will be better because of this.

A Dirty Home

This week I have had the opportunity to keep the house spotless. Bathrooms, kitchen, even new sheets and the vacuum has been run (I love vacuum tracks). But there has been an inner lurking of another kind. I made a decision to allow the boys daddy to come over, we had a very nice time; the boys enjoyed time with him after our dinner together at Braums and we enjoyed the company of him in our house for the first time. I had been reluctant to allow him over for fear that the situation would go to far or a can of worms would be opened. Anyway, I had felt that the house had a pure and innocent feel to it. A unused and clean feeling. Like a virgin house. That feeling has passed and now I am left feeling that even though everyone seemed to have a great time and had a better experience then when he would come to my mothers to see the boys, I am still feeling that uneasy feeling. Did I make a mistake or am I just being weird? I am unsure. Maybe the true feeling is that I still do not trust myself around him. That I could slip into old habits of playing house without the true home being bought. I want the boys to be able to see their father and he has been reluctant to come to my mothers. I feel stuck and icky at the same time. I hate this situation. To all those young girls that may stumble upon this, know that playing house is fun for a while until the bank re posses their playhouse and reminds you that you where never tenants in the first place, remember that playing house  will never be a home. Marriage will come, wait for it!

Prayers are needed, although I am not sure what for; prayers are needed!

COMMENTS ARE TOO!