“sometimes my heart is so full with wants and dreams that it is hard to remain in simple things.” – moi

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just a simple thought

i am really exploring why i do not think love happens in real life. that two people who ‘care’ for one another may deeply care for each other, may even ‘love’ the other person. but are they so in love with that person that they cherish them, need them, feel lost without them, story-book love them.

when i see couples, i always ask myself the same question: “what is it that connects them, that brings them into this situation. will he be true to her? will she nag him to death? will their life begin and end with each other?” 

i see relationships truly has heartache. a constant battle over who has the upper-hand and who holds power over the others feelings. who does something out of fear that the other will be angry if its not done. a marriage is a lifetime of placating and patronization. this is a real relationship to me. maybe a wrong, but to me this feels, normal. feels right. 

odd isn’t. how i can wish, want and desire something different, yet ache for this dysfunctional familiarity. i do not think i know what a true loving relationship is or looks like. would i know it if i saw it?

just a simple thought. 

Everything She has

8:34am Wake up to the boys watching tv and arguing about LEGOs or iPhone time, go downstairs to make breakfast let the dog out and feed the cat.

9:12am Hit the showers, primp & curl, get the boys dressed in something other than a pj shirt camo shorts and slippers, let the dog out.

10:02am Coffee time (not starbucks) need to load up on the java to get through playtime and lunch.

10:47am Let the dog out, bring out the LEGOs, the cars, the tracks to race the cars, the crayons, the markers, the construction paper – bring on the creative play.

11:54am “What do you want for lunch kiddos”

12:09pm The most perfect homemade mac-n-cheese hits the table with fresh melon medley and ice water, let the dog out.

12:39pm Lunch over, “clean up clean up everybody everywhere…”

1:07pm Run errands, movie, outside, computer games, Wii, draw, friends…. something.

4:47pm “Mom, Whats for dinner?” Hmmm to cook or not cook? Take-out? Nope, save money. Grilled chicken with fresh organic seasoned green beans and homemade mash potatoes.

5:51pm Great conversation about school and friends, funny stories and laughing, I love the dinner table.

5:59pm “Clean up…” you know the drill. Oh, yeah let the dog out.

6:11pm Rainbow Serbert (organic of course) maybe some tv

7:30pm Bath, books and bedtime. We love to read Where The Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak & A Bad Case of the Stripes by David Shannon

8:30pm Squenches and sleep.

9:01pm Me time, reading, bath, tv, awwwww. Let the dog out. Reflect on how very blessed I am. How much I love my babies. How much God gives me, takes care of every single need.

 

 

I Want MORE.

I want  MORE.

I want a MORE productive life.

I want a MORE loving marriage than the one my parents have.

I want a MORE beneficial educational loving children.

I want a MORE committed relationship with my future spouse.

I want a MORE REAL lifestyle.

I want MORE.

I want MORE than I could even imagine for myself.

I want MORE dreams to come true.

I want MORE so I can do MORE for those with LESS.

What do you want MORE of? What would you do with it?

Guest Post: Taudry Nichols

I would like to inrtroduce a friend of mine, she has given me a lot of gregarious laughter over the years and I thought I would share her wisom and humor with my readers. I introduce the unmistakable Taudry Nichols!

 

Good morning bright minds, being a guest writer on this blog I suppose I could fill the pages with anything really, but no lets have a focus shall we.

So three things about me:

1. futbal, not football, futbal. Not a sport its a life.

2. men, rich or poor they all lie. Get a good one and love him like a sailor leaving for port.

3. nothing beats a good wine, gossip and great pair of heels.

4. if your don’t have a secret to keep, your life has not been lived.

5. I write in order to be able to breathe.

6. Me and God have a very tumultuous relationship, passionate and pursued with the greatest of life.

7. If you can’t find yourself in Paris, try finding someone else to help you in Paris.

8. Words are not magic, mystical or perfect they are the only divine remnant on earth.

9. fall is the heart of me and the time when my mind speaks.

10. knowledge in any category is worth more than money in any form.

 

So this is me in ten little sentences. The test of any good author is to test the will of the reader, to bring up feelings that they did not know they had and make the reader want to put the words down and act. If you sit in a chair taking in the words yet do nothing with them, they die; not only do they die the author’s purpose for them dies. You may be asking why this matters, why should you care about words or ideas. Don’t.  Don’t care, act. Be something more and do something more with life than being passive. Explore, see, do, embrace, live, love, fail, fall. I wake up each day and even when I am pissed at the world in all its crap, I still believe there is crap to be had. So, go on, go… then come back and share what good, bad, and ugly things you got to see.

Speakeasy

This morning while making out the job bag for the boys (you know Saturday chores, well we’re trying it)Chores I went to my phone to get a verse that was in my head to talk to them with in parallel to chores and attitude; this is what I found.

23 Whatever you are doing,t work at it with enthusiasm,t as to the Lord and not for people. Col. 3

I hope this verse will speak to them, because, it ended up speaking right through me.

This is me lately:

  • broke
  • worried about every single half cent
  • working half a**ed to please people, PEOPLE.
  • trying to get through school so my “investors” are happy
  • acting like a good mom so no one sees the fear, guilt, emptiness and gut wrenching hope that we will one day be more than mediocre
  • making every decision based on the idea that it will be the best for “us” not for Him.
  • I have lost sight of the goal
  • I have lost sight of my purpose, my vision, my Chazown
  • I forgot who signed my story

I remember a time in my life where I lived by this verse. To be honest my life was the opposite of the above list. I had money always, never worried about meals, needs, outcomes, because I had a peace that surpassed all that. That does not mean that my life was without pain or hurt or fear but I had an understanding that things were taken care of and my focus was on Him. God was the air in my lungs and the life I lived for.

Just this morning a caught a glimpse of the life I have had and honestly missed, willing to work for Him, giving up control so he can take command.

Is Sin Relational?

Sitting in class today discussing the idea that sin is not behaioral issue but a realtionsional issue. We know that sin separates us from our relationship with God, so when we lie to our spouse or our parent is it not the same? The separation is the same. It causes a break in the closeness to another person. 

I have not been writing for some time, not that inspiration as not striked but that my heart has not had the heart to write it down. So I welcome you back to this site and to my heart. 

Back to sinning. When you sin and you repent ask forgivness and move forward how are you mending the relstionship to which you broke. How do you spend time within yourself to mend that break within your own heart. Sin is crazy and it can creep up on you even before you know that you are doing it. 

We are created to be relational beings, seek out relationships and others. We meant to be doing life together. Going through pains and inflictions good times and bad. Sin is the opposite of purpose and intention. Are you being intentional about rejecting sin? 

I am curious?

Psst… are you one too?

my second secret:

I hate Christians. Yeah you heard what I said.

I have met so many that worship God with their heart but show that they are nowhere near knowing the love of Christ with the way they live their lives.

And here’s the bomb…

I AM ONE OF THEM

And, I hate that. I hate that in my heart the wings on which Christ lifts me up somehow fall short and forget how to fly the second I leave church. My finances, my attitude, my concerns and the place in which my treasure resides all changes. Yet, I mock those who do the same calling them weird and hypocritical when I am the true hypocrite.

These days of revelation come as I am searching my own heart for the path to which God calls me, the way in which I treat those around me and the shoes to which I aim to walk a mile in. Sometimes you just have to face the fact that you are the problem you are complaining about. Be the solution, Be Christ to those who do not know him and Love like its the only way to breathe.

I am Starving Jesus! Are You??

images.jpeg So the good ol’ guys from xxxchurch.com are on the road again doing what they do best…stirring up the comfortable. They are working with the creator of Starving Jesus and have filmed the doc and thier road time merriment for us to joyful watch and discuss. In addition to speaking and different church accross the US they also commited to do a 40 day fast. (wow, thats a long time) Only drinking water and juice. SO what?Here’s where I come in. I want to get out my pew and DO SOMETHING. I am working on preparing for a 40 day fast. I wont tell you when I doing it but I will tell you when it is over and what I learned and what I gained and what I GAVE! I plan on doing this to get closer to my God who right now is close to me but I am further than the moon from Him. I need to stirred…I am too comfortable.  Any of you who would want to do this with me you can watch the video and see if God brings you to do something, like fast. If you would like to do this with me let me know and we can share our experiences together. I know that in the end of this I will be closer and know more about myself and God I cant wait to share it with you.   

That’s Profound

Bick says,

In Les Parrot’s book 3 Seconds he makes this observation: “The primary, or conscious, gain that we receive from busyness is often productivity. We feel productive because we look productive. But just under the surface, we may be pursuing busyness because it alleviates some anxiety. Being too busy might even provide the excuse we need for not doing something we fear failing at. Because being busy gives us license to arrive late, slip out early, or be absent altogether, we can rationalize that we don’t have time to do what would help us realize our dream.

I agree.

What are you to busy for…or what are you hiding from?

today will worry about itself

22 And he said to his disciples, Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! 25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 26 If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? 27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29 And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. 30 For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.

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This verse speaks to me in so many ways it brings peace and understanding when I open the refrigerator and it is bare, when my clothes are ripped and the checking account is empty. This verse tells me that it will be ok. That God is the great provider and I need no worry about anything. For HE and He alone will provide. I do not find security in my checkbook, my refrigerator (whether full or barren) my car, my cabinets or my wallet. It only comes from knowing that all I must do is be still and know that HE is God.

What are you taking comfort in that is fleeting away? Let me pray for you.

IT’s MONDAY & boys and girls that means…

Time for an update:)

God is doing some great things here at the home-front, the boys are settling in and I am trying to remain uncomfortable (comfort brings change) Craig talked this weekend about The Wonderful Counselor,how we can go to him with honest interpretation and still be comforted and loved, for free I might add. Which is good because we all need to talk sometimes.

I am going to start working out today and for the next however long it might take. I will post updates.

♥ Please tell me how I can pray for you and what is going on in your world…SHARE!! ♥

On the way to GLORY!

Larry, who you watch in this video died 2 weeks after this was shown in church.

I ask you what are you doing to leave a legacy, a glory, a life behind that will live on after you go home. What are you chasing that does not matter? What treasures are you storing today that will not matter tomorrow? Are you living so that others may see Christ in your life?

BE THE BLESSING…

I don’t know any more about theology than a jack rabbit does about ping-pong but I’m on the way to glory” – Billy Sunday

Comfort is…

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Today on Swerve Craig talks about being comfortable, and accepting God rather than the comforts of this world. Don’t get me wrong I believe that accepting and living in God’s blessings is totally merited, but living in them and relying on them is something different.

In my life moving from my parents house (a very comfortable living) to a campus apartment where our living is humble but closer to God, I have found that in monetary waiting there is God. Me and the boys are learning to rely on each on and look to God for our comfort and income. We are praying together, reading the word as a family and getting to know God more and more. I am so grateful for this time in our lives.

What comforts are keeping you from knowing God?

What Comforts or lack of are bringing you closer to God?

Silent Readers speak up!! 🙂

The Storm Brewith…

In yesterdays discussion of the Great Depression one of my classmates stated that political leaders are arguing poverty from a state of abundance, I argue that they can not come up with a workable solution because they are apart of the problem. We have the resources to stop hunger, give jobs and help those go from surviving to thriving. But when America spends roughly 2 billion a year on ice cream what are the odds that we actually will.

We live in abundance. We eat out most of our meals, go to coffee houses and consume multitudes of resources. We argue about prices at the pump but refuse to walk, we get mad if the cable goes out and we (GASP) can not watch Greys. When on the other side of the world children are taught how to survive the food shortages in times of “abundance” by learning to fast for weeks at a time, for the simple reason to be able to survive when “abundance” is null. When we are airing stories on the evening news about how pastors live in “abundance” while the rest of their congregation live in normalcy is crazy. When did we become consumed with abundance?

I admit I sit here writing this looking at programs that were waiting for me on my Tivo, and warm and very fed. So, I admit I am part of the problem. What am I going to do about, like you I will be disgusted for a hour or two pass this on to someone through email and by tomorrow morning forget about it. Go on living and enjoying the abundance of life and feel sorry for those who don’t have the luxury of it, pray for them and move on….

or will I?

Honestly is this you too?

Change

    change.jpg

    • change is scary
    • change is new
    • change changes things

    why and what is about change that we fear? Why do we put it off so much even when we are miserable in the position we are in telling ourselves that we need a change but procrastinate the new way?

    What are you telling yourself you need to change and what are the lies that are surrounding it that are keeping you from doing it. BE HONEST, you will feel better.