i’ve earned a handsome gentlemen with more sense than fear, more money than dreams, more love than lusts. i’ve earned a man that comes home to me and looks away when the younger option walks by. i’ve earned a man who looks at my children not “as his own” but as his own. who lets me take care of him, cook, clean, support and cheer him on. who in return honors and protects me, provides and uplifts me. i’ve earned a man.
i am really exploring why i do not think love happens in real life. that two people who ‘care’ for one another may deeply care for each other, may even ‘love’ the other person. but are they so in love with that person that they cherish them, need them, feel lost without them, story-book love them.
when i see couples, i always ask myself the same question: “what is it that connects them, that brings them into this situation. will he be true to her? will she nag him to death? will their life begin and end with each other?”
i see relationships truly has heartache. a constant battle over who has the upper-hand and who holds power over the others feelings. who does something out of fear that the other will be angry if its not done. a marriage is a lifetime of placating and patronization. this is a real relationship to me. maybe a wrong, but to me this feels, normal. feels right.
odd isn’t. how i can wish, want and desire something different, yet ache for this dysfunctional familiarity. i do not think i know what a true loving relationship is or looks like. would i know it if i saw it?
just a simple thought.
Sitting in class today discussing the idea that sin is not behaioral issue but a realtionsional issue. We know that sin separates us from our relationship with God, so when we lie to our spouse or our parent is it not the same? The separation is the same. It causes a break in the closeness to another person.
I have not been writing for some time, not that inspiration as not striked but that my heart has not had the heart to write it down. So I welcome you back to this site and to my heart.
Back to sinning. When you sin and you repent ask forgivness and move forward how are you mending the relstionship to which you broke. How do you spend time within yourself to mend that break within your own heart. Sin is crazy and it can creep up on you even before you know that you are doing it.
We are created to be relational beings, seek out relationships and others. We meant to be doing life together. Going through pains and inflictions good times and bad. Sin is the opposite of purpose and intention. Are you being intentional about rejecting sin?
I am curious?