almost 2am

“I stay up
until 2 am
it as at this time
I can use the lateness
as an excuse
to say terribly emotional things
and get away with saying them.
Let me tell you
a secret:
I am constantly
thinking of these things
that I say to you
at 2 am.”
— 2 am means freedom. (via youmakemewannabebrave)

Foiled. Again. (dun dun dun…)

Chandler did not sleep well last night. I blame the melatonin – you see Chandler takes things for one reason and the result is the complete opposite!


Benadryl – Makes him hyper.

Pain meds (he’s had 2 surgeries) – Hyper.

Motrin – Nothing, not even pain relief.

Prescription Antihistamine – Migraines

Laughing gas – Tired. Not laughing.

Last night he woke at 12:30am. Remained awake until 5am.

Not gonna lie, I cried. Begged, pleaded, bargained, promised, prayed, and then when I got done talking to God through tears, fell asleep only to be woken up by Tanner saying he could not sleep with Chandler bugging him and keeping him up. (at 3am)

After I kicked them both out of my bed, cried some more and went back to sleep – I woke up this morning with Chandler sleeping sideways and kicking me at 4:45am.

UGH! I want the ease of last nights going to sleep and the peace of every other night him staying asleep NOT IN MY BED.

Have I mentioned I HATE BEDTIME, no? I hate bedtime!

Sleep has never been his strength

Chandler does not sleep. He has not been a good sleeper since birth. When he was an infant, he was nurse get to sleep I would lay him in his bed get to the door and he would wake up. This went on ALL night long. I would cry for hours each night while nursing him praying he would sleep. I spoke with doctors, specialists, God, friends; nothing helped. Even when medicated from surgury recovery he only slept for an hour then he was up and fine like nothing happened. This went on and one and still goes on to this day.

He fights sleep.

I tried melatonin when he was a baby – nothing. Sleeping tablets – nothing. Charts, rewards, gifts for weeks on good bedtime – nothing. Screaming, yelling, threats, grounding – nothing.


3mg of Melatonin and “I’m really tired mom, just one book tonight!!!”

Holy CRAP… do you know the dance I danced at 7:54pm when he went to sleep ON HIS OWN. No bargining, begging, pleading, crying (me not him) arguing, yelling, screaming (him not me), praying (well I did prayers of praise)! It was glorious! If it happens again tomorrow I will be thrilled.


Chandler Refuses to Sleep ∞ 

He has done this since birth. He would play this evil little game with me. He would get to sleep, and after I layed him in the crib adn walked to the door, he would walk up. And he would do this over and over and over. All night long,  sleep in 20 min. spats. Yeah, it was not cute. If left to “cry it out” he could cry for hours and hours. He has played this game for 5 years. Seriously!

He never goes to bed before midnight, he wakes up at 7am, he is going to drive me insane. 

I joke but honestly… I am crying inside, screaming and yelling inside. Pleading, begging and aching for this child to go bed like every other child at 830pm, quietly and nicely. Please God just let him GO TO BED.

Any thoughts, comments, suggestions, critisim… click below.